When ?

Really. When are things going to change ?

Every single time, when I think of how fortunate my friends are, I just wanna cry. Why am I not just another one of them ?

I see how my friend created their ATM Card with over $100 for them to press it out but I started out with $2 and I freaking only had a daily allowence of $4.

I see how my friend gets laptops and stuff like that and I'm stuck with this fucking 1.67 ghz AMD athlon processor. And yes, I am fucking stuck with a handphone which I exchange for my beautiful W760 that brokedown. Fuck.

I see how my electricity at home is so unpredictable and how my friends live in comfort.

I see how my friends always have no problem and no worries in dialing no. with their handphone yet I have to use my phone carefully.

I can go on saying.

I see how my friends have over $10 (thats very lil for going to town) going on town yet sometimes I go town with $2.

I see how I'm always the one borrowing and my friends the one always lending.

I see how my friends gets/buy a bicycle so easily yet I have to PICK UP A BODY FRAME.

I am so fucking poor that I only have my ear clear by KK hospital which appointment is 1 month plus from the day my ear stucked and my friends gets it clear out immediatly.

And yes, I can freaking go on.

I freaking see how my friend gets a guitar so expensive that its twice of mine guitar and his skills is no better than mine. (Yes I am proud, so what ?)

I always see how my friends go out with fancy clothes yet I have to save and get clothes that are at low price and make the best out of them and look good.

I can go on and on and on. Tons of 'em.

Yes, I am pathetic. I Don't need you to say anything. But also, I don't need you to fucking sympatise me.

I sit in one corner wondering, when is God (which god ?) going to get off his majestic seat and help me and my family out ? I live my life in fears and jealousy.

I see how my friends parent are so loving but my parent is just totally fuck up relationship.

I see how my friends daddy are so good yet I can't speak much good of my daddy. (Even thou the bible ask us to speak good of our parent, but seriously.)

Its always about you guys. ALWAYS. Will you guys problem be as big as mine ? When will you people ever care a fucking hoot bout me ?

I see how my friends go into relationship, being financially able to pay for their girls. I have already created a line "Will you be with me, a guy who couldn't pay for your lunch or even just a drink?".

No really, I have a tons.

Maybe I should just stop. I'll just accept how fuck up my life is and thats it. I'll just accept that I have a failure dad and thats all. I'll just accept that I'm the lower section of the society and cliques.

Obssess with Music ?

I am 60.80% obsessed with music.

Be honest people! If you really have never heard of them. Don't mark it.
ALTERNATIVE:
[x] Breaking Benjamin
[ ] Paramore
[ ] Panic! At The Disco
[x] Linkin Park
[ ] The Academy Is...
[x] Coldplay
[x] Three Days Grace
[ ] Yellowcard
[x] 30 Seconds to Mars
[ ] Chevelle

TOTAL SO FAR = 5

COUNTRY:
[ ] Rascal Flatts
[ ] Carrie Underwood
[x] Leanne Rhymes
[ ] Garth Brooks
[ ] Dixie Chicks
[ ] Kenny Chesney
[ ] Tim McGraw
[ ] Faith Hill
[ ] Shania Twain
[x] Johnny Cash


TOTAL SO FAR = 7

EMO:
[ ] Hawthorne Heights
[ ] Chiodos
[ ] Forgive Durden
[ ] Amber Pacific
[x] The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
[ ] From First to Last
[ ] Senses Fail
[ ] Underoath
[ ] Something Corporate
[ ] Hit The Lights
[ ] Dear Whoever

TOTAL SO FAR = 8


INDIE:
[ ] The Hush Sound
[ ] Eisley
[ ] Death Cab for Cutie
[ ] Dashboard Confessional
[ ] The Killers
[ ] Yeah Yeah Yeahs
[ ] Hot Hot Heat
[x] Gym Class Heroes
[ ] Franz Ferdinand
[ ] Modest Mouse

TOTAL SO FAR = 9

METAL:
[ ] Slipknot
[x] System of a Down
[ ] Disturbed
[x] Metallica
[x] Guns n' Roses
[ ] Lamb of God
[ ] Slayer
[ ] Hatebreed
[ ] Killswitch Engage

TOTAL SO FAR = 12

POP:
[ ] Teddy Geiger
[x] Ashlee Simpson
[x] Kelly Clarkson
[x] Jesse McCartney
[x] Avril Lavigne
[x] Pink
[x] The Veronicas
[x] Daniel Powter
[x] James Blunt
[x] Natasha Bedingfield
[ ] Ryan Cabrera

TOTAL SO FAR = 21

POWERPOP/PUNK:
[ ] Hellogoodbye
[ ] Cute is What We Aim for
[ ] Cartel
[x] The Click Five
[x] Fall Out Boy
[ ] Rise Against
[x] Good Charlotte
[x] Bowling for Soup
[ ] Relient K
[ ] Anti - Flag
[x] Simple Plan

TOTAL SO FAR= 26

RAP:
[ ] Ying Yang Twins
[ ] T.I.
[x] Eminem
[ ] 2pac
[ ] Jamie Foxx
[x] Ludacris
[x] Lil' Jon
[x] Outkast
[x] 50 Cent
[x] Kanye West
[ ] Notorious B.I.G
[ ] Young Jeezy

TOTAL SO FAR = 32

SKA:
[ ] reel big fish
[ ] The Specials
[ ] MAD Caddies
[ ] Rancid
[ ] The Aquabats
[ ] Sublime
[ ] No Doubt
[ ] Madness
[ ] Operation Ivy
[ ] Bob Marley

TOTAL SO FAR= 32

ROCK:
[ ] Taking Back Sunday
[x] All American Rejects
[ ] Motion City Soundtrack
[x] Avenged Sevenfold
[ ] Angels and Airwaves
[x] Evanescence
[x] My Chemical Romance
[ ] Drowning Pool
[x] Green Day
[x] Blink 182
[ ] Madina Lake

TOTAL SO FAR = 38

CLASSIC ROCK :
[x] The Beatles
[x] Led Zeppelin
[x] The Rolling Stones
[ ] The Cure
[x] The Who
[ ] Pink Floyd
[x] Jimi Hendrix
[x] Queen
[ ] Van Halen
[ ] Poison
[x] ACDC

TOTAL = 45

multiply your answer by 144
and then divide it by 100

whoa ! Adapted from JC's blog ! really cool

Nostalgia

Dear blog, Its been 1month+ since I left Y-hope.. Its really a nostalgia thing for me to say now, when I think back..

Spending 2 year inside Y-hope, came across all kind of people (they really rocks my sock man!) and learn lotsa things..

Hmm.. The most memorable time is where North B was formed newly under DK (He rocks too!). Thinking back, it gotta be the time of my life..LOL

I really missed the time when Joshua was still my 1st shepherd.. HAHA ! He's really a people-person and is the person I missed most man..

I also really missed my best buddy, yep, thats Sentosa ! No, its not a island, its a person :) He's really someone who I really click well with..Lead CG together with him, do silly stuff .. LOL.. Now, a congratulation to David Sentosa for becoming a CL ! :D (cause i know its hard).

I really miss Sherms too ! He's my 2nd shepherd.. though we didn't really mix much cause we're definitely two different creature, but if he is still my shepherd now, we definitely will, cause we're both guitar freak xD! (He crazy ya know, if you happen to be in North B last time)

I missed Donal too ! I guess he is the person who influence me to stay and abit hot-tempered at times, he rocks ! Apart from being losing to him in Dota, I guess its really memorable, running over to his house everyday even though im uber tired XD

There're lotsa people I miss, but its too long to list.. Its not a favourtism thing, but these are the people who are very memorable to me.. :D

-----
I don't know what's up with North, now that everyone's splitted and its a new stage.. though its all for the cause of His Kingdom, haiz... Everyone is so CG08 centered that everythings changed.. The warmness and fun is no longer there.. It all seems to be fake.. (my point of view yeah)..

-----

ON a side note to someone or some people : WAM and MinOps people they're not serving on a slackier or a more comfort-zone-isd way..No. In fact they are also serving outside their comfort zone, its just in another way. Go try it and you'll know its not.

Who say you can't love God and experience His love if you serve in WAM and MinOps ? No. You're serving God in ANOTHER WAY... Its not about Godly expectation or what, but the whole thing is, if they're not there, where do you get your background ops going and all the music by WAM ?

Don't put them down like they're people who are serving on a lower level.

Life's just like that

Its funny how things came crushing down on ya like nothing. I'm like an ant on earth being view by an God in heaven with a magnifying glass, second by second, trying to fry me dead.

Its funny how you are uber hungry(being having gastric pain), you finally got to the first of the queue for god knows how long, got the food you want for god knows how long the auntie prepared, when you are going pay, the friend you know for 4 year, at least the one you could trust and mix with everyday in school, love them more than anyone you got, have fun with, got to your side, took your bowl, pay the money, and walk off without saying any sort of stuff. Funny huh ?

Its funny how being 4 year with my friends yet I don't felt belong and like a friend to them. Its funny how life can be so amazingly tormenting.

Its funny how you came back from a bad day in school, just when you wanted to vent off your anger by opening your Window media player, your computer just switch off like you don't need it and having the graphic card blow off.

Its funny when you buy a guitar, you got cheated for the money for a guitar full of fucking problem. Amazing huh.

Life's just like that. Don't you agree ?

Some people, or maybe all people, are probably going blame me for being not able to react on the bright side. I don't need to say much, when something like this happen to you, I'm sure you'll react the same way. Unless your God or a saint, which apparently this world is rid of saint I guess.

Here comes my pet phrase, "Its okay". Yeah, its "okay".

What if..?

Hello guys ! I was doing some class decor and after the whole thing, my classroom looks pretty cool ! Thanks to all who committed into buying and designing people ! (and yes, I'm one of the slacker).

I looked behind my class today and it just simply so boring during the math lesson and I saw something "Sports, Math, Science, English, MotherTongue, EBS, Overall Result". Its just there to put the ranking..

(Saw those Green and Yellow poster behind the class?)

I was just thinking..what if..?

English - Ben
Math - Ben
EBS - Ben
Science - Ben
Mothertongue Ben (impossible)
Overall Result - Ben
Sports - Ben (maybe impossible)

TOP BEN BEN BEN BEN BEN TOP TOP TOP BE NEB TOOP SO PI)O IREO JFKLJ

LOLOLOL !!

Do you believe this ? Hmm, I certainly had high hopes ! To have my name pasted all behind the class ! (except for chinese and sports simply because I'm so bad in chinese and I don't have a interest for sports although I'm okay in it.)

Not bad uhh, You heard of Top Man..Now its Top Ben ! :D

I shall work hard (including trying hard not to skip school) and go for this result, after I do that, I'm so going to give thanks greatly to God by sharing a testimony and writing how God bless me all over posters behind the class, all over the school, all over causeway point and the whole singapore ! (Sounds like old North B D.4.R.E vision !)

Haha ! Pray for me ! Since God has gave me this brain to study and work hard ! I shall be the next David Hoe Teck Chye :D (maybe not as legendary ?)

Alright, enough of fantasy ! Time to study !!!! :D:D:D:D

James 1:5 Romans 8:37

Humbleness

What is this all Humbleness thing we're all talking about ?

It was during Heroes Camp when I've realize about this..

If some people know, I'm a very proud person. Thats really direct xD..But one of the issue I'm having in my spiritual life is also, Pride. And pride kills me indirectly sometimes, and it even cause people to leave church, maybe. But again, what is Humbleness all about ?

During Heroes camp, at the last night or 2nd last night, Sharlene was introducing Sister PP to us. Those who were there will know. One particular pharse i know is Sharlene annouce or say something that Sister PP is going to be a Pastor soon, thats really something big eh.

Thing is, i remember becoming a shepherd and i thought that was the most best thing ever but practically talking in worldy terms, you're like a cleaner, the lowest position. But church is not about position.

Talking logically, i'll be proud if someone mentions that i'm going to be a pastor, especially to a crowd. Thats me :). But apparently, Sister PP was otherwise. What I really sense out of her is humbleness !

Observing other leaders, they're all humble. (those successful leader btw)... That goes for Pastor Jeff and Pastor Shirls ! And even more, humble in the presence of God. How to know that ? Read their blog and you guys would know ! :P

Today's learning - Humbleness.

In the world, a leader = top of the rest = The tip of a triangle = People must serve you.
In the church, a leader = below the rest = an reverse/upsidedown trianble = You serve people.

Especially YOU.

If I am taken 4 years or 5 years back, or maybe 8 years back into my primary school days, I'll take that very chance to be the king and start @#(@* everyone upside down.

Why ? Typically, people in the past are just like that, when you're weak, you get thrown around like nobody business.

In my second year of primary school, some people forced me down pencil leads with pepsi and coke. Interesting ? No. If i am taken back then, i'll be the one forcing 'em down and going against teacher who just like to side with the bad ass.

Not just that, i'll do something even more bad, like ? I'll probably bang his head against the wall and do lotsa other bad thing.

That no wonder I've a "VERY GOOD" for my conduct. Paid the price for that.
----

Primary 3. Some girls I like. I got toyed around by her and was compared in grades which I couldn't win, gets bully by all the girls and some guy who is just good at speaking but doesn't "walk the talk".

If i am taken back then, I would be the 1st of the class, have the girl I want, bully the people I wants to. Good eh ? What is all those study that time to me ? I'll explain why its nothing, not because of the knowledge I have now.
----

Primary 4. Same as P3...

----

Primary 5. Got into em3 with all the badass people, well, not exactly but they just like to toy around with my loyalty to friendship. "I friend you, i don't friend you". Crap you ! I don't give a damn. That is what i'll do if i am taken back to then. I'll never be insecured by all this friendship thing.

----

Primary 6. Same thing as P5, just more serious friendship conflicts. Oh, and to the teachers, who are kind of unreasonable, I'll definitely play around words with you and make sure you get sacks out of the school. And to the teacher who physically abuses, DIE.

----

Epic huh ? Looks like there's alot for me to repent.. I shall not write down the list of people that I wants to kill..But appearently those are the people who betrayed and push me around..LOL.

Those people appearently has "gangs", well, what's new ? Thats the IN thing for people of my age, or lets say, my era. And i have to say, almost everyone has no ball. Whats new with 1 vs 20 people ? Why don't i try 20 vs 1 on you ? Ha.

Good luck on your life of no future.
----

All in all, isn't Christ who lead my life to light ? Thank be to God ! It was at 2006 nov to dec when my life took a turn for worse when people around me turns to bad influecne and stuff like this.. It was also when my family had a really big major financial issue..

I remembering turning to all religion, including those hindism..Praying to all of them, appearently God timing was perfect as ever, sent someone to outreach to me. :D Thank God !! My life would be crapped if it wasn't for Him ! :)

I could've give a life testimony that's really long. But wait till I complete Evergreen. And i don't plan to wear it till I complete the school..Or else its just dreaming. Not gonna spoonfeed myself..

CL by end Jan. Possible ? Well, with God, all things are possible.

Dreaming Big

Its going to be a long update.

We've just broke camp, its really great ~ All that sermon and fun and how God spoke to me..But how I not share it out ? :D

If some of you guys see my msn, its on my personal Nick. CG08..is..too small. Its it so..small that I don't understand why I couldn't complete it given 1 year time ! Are 7 people actually that hard..hmm. Coming to think, its not. Especially with God. We can't talk about winning the world, when we've problem finishing CG08. It is just too small ! Just finish it, kiss the campaign goodbye and do something big ! Conclusion : Willingness and Humbleness.

I was just having a dinner with my mom yesterday as she is on her 52th birthday ! It is quite sad that she still have to work, even on her 52nd year on earth (Thats more than half-centuary if you don't realise). And when I looked into her eye, I knew it. She has aged. Winkles and things like that.. She doesn't seems young anymore.

She told me something "Hey Ben, Why don't ya buy a condo for me ?" I was like..No Problem. But again, why not I buy a land and build a house there for ya ? Now, speaking of all this, people's gonna think I'm crazy, because I am just a NT student, nothing really good would come out..

Thanks to my "wonderful" father, my mom've to worked. Even at this aged. I really want to let my mom enjoy a good life, and I know that the best thing I can do is let her sit down, laze around all day. The more I think, the more I hate my dad. I have an older brother. During yesterday dinner, only people were My Mom, Brother and me. He just doesn't wanna bother about my mom.

Genesis 18:14a
- Is anything too hard for the Lord ?

Is buying a land and building a house for my mom too hard ? No ! It is nothing comparable to God building an Universe just for us, and there is 7 more Universe out there ! Is completing CG08 that hard ? Nope, not WITH GOD. God can do this, JUST BECAUSE HE can.

But I know..all this, can't be compared to Salvation. I really pray, my mom will come to know God. What if one day Jesus came so silently, so silent that I am in heaven. I looked around, but I don't see my mom. I'm really scared !

You see people, the sky is high, why not try reaching as high as possible ? Maybe you may touch it. Its all about dreaming big. CG08 is too small for me ! If I can't complete Evergreen, I shouldn't talk about Church planting, especially thats the 3rd vision of north. CONDO IS TOO SMALL ! God said to David that, if his kingdom and everything isn't satisfying him, God will give more when he asked. So people, ASK God !!!

Psalm 20:7 - Some trusts in chariots, some trusts in horses but I trust in the LORD my God.

When I was young, I used to be very terrified of where I would go after I died. And I do alot of things to make sure I never die, so does for my mom. So I kept telling myself that no one will die. But death is just inevitable. But I finally found the truth. There is actually someone who are willing to die for me, my mom, everyone so that we doesn't die, but lives an eternal life. He is Jesus. Today, my salvation is assured.

So called "gods"

I wonder how true are other religions.

Let me correct some of the "teachings" for the religion that starts with B.

1. If christian comes my house, my gods will run away !
Ans 1 - If lets say there IS god in your house, and when christians come your house, that shows Jesus is stronger than your god. You should stop worshipping that god and start worshipping Jesus.

Ans 2 - Your so called "god" runs away because they're just bunch of demons. When they see christian who comes with the authority of God, they have to run of course !

2. There is power in the statue ! I worship the statue !
Ans 1 - Have you ever think, what the statue is made of ? Gold ? Probably many other material. But thing is, can these made miracle ? Can gold move or talk ? Yes, thats the point.

3. B~~ is the way !
Ans 1 - Firstly, the very logic of reincarnation till you doesn't do anything bad at all so that you can ascend to "heaven" which is called nirvana, is ridiculous. Show me anyone who didn't do anything bad at all, except Jesus. And if its true, nirvana probably have no one there right now.

That is all peeps.