Prisoner of my own world

Crazy day today. But soon I realize I have too much thing going on.

Woke up around 3pm and XP called me to go cycle. But before that, Junwei, who is a position above my direct boss aka the Managing Director called me personally from Malaysia. And he sound as though he want to fire me. But no, I'm not fired yet.

Anyhow, he want me to cut down my focus on my sales and more on hunting agents in Singapore. Well, that's a big task. But anyway, later going down to Yishun with Elson and yup, he is finally giving me the true confidential agent price list. Let me emphasis again if you guys did not read correctly in my previous blog, I'm a sales executive.

Oh well, actually I didn't really cycled much with XP but I actually played bmx. Oh well, how long is it being since I go full out playing stunt ? LOL. But I totally loved it though it is really energy demanding. But soon to followed, I realize I've lost 30% of my stamina since the last time I played stunt mainly due to inactiveness and maybe abit of smoking too much. LOL

We met a guy called Jackie who is 10 year old ! Apparently we played high-speed catching. Such an adrenaline rush since so long ago. That including high speed fly off from 5 steps staircase without any brake installed on my bmx. (I meant yang's bmx.)

Anyhow, I think I should fix up my own bmx front rim asap. Kind of miss playing stunts actually. And I really really want to play a gig, just once is enough. And my perfect dream is to score a chick after a gig and next day, hangover. HAHAHA ! But oh well, I figured out that I'm just a guitarist in a band of many bands and just dreaming of getting it big like Rolling Stones or whatever successful bands you guys know of.

Gonna be 5am. Time to sleep and stop night-dreaming. I think I'm going to write a song about Pinky soon. Very soon.

Does acting brave count as being brave ?

One hell of a tiring day today, totally.

Met elson 2pm at admiralty.. First stop we went to ACE the place.. Oh well, it is definitely one of the place where I had a more appropriate and business opportunity response.. Also went to Christ Church, Innova JC, SSS, Woodlands CC, Republic Poly and Evergreen Sec. Kind of like chiong everything in 1 go.

Jeez, Andre is so demanding. But I heard something even more ridiculous, that is this guy who is even more sissy than I am (cold hard truth. His falsetto is even higher than I am. Which means, he is very high-pitched and those hand. ARGH, he is just pure sissy can ?). He told andre "normally when I have no appointment, I can run around 30-50 company per day". I was laughing, literally. I just don't know how illustrate it. You have to be there to know how ridiculous it is ! Anyway, just a $800 basic salary plus the title of an executive, how hard he expect me to work. -_-"

Met XP and Yi Min then we went for pool plus account to Andre the sales report today. On bus back to admiralty we kept teasing Yi Min about her and "..." development. HAHA ! It was so so so fun ! But anyhow, at least she had someone to love and care for.

Ironically, the person whom I love most seems to be the person who hated me most in this world. I feel as though I keep wearing a mask telling others I'm strong, I won't cry and such stuff.. In fact, its just that I'm too hurt to cry. I think I just can't bothered to correct things up anymore. Its so tiring.

Feeling so dejected. Having friends, they're supposed to be there to support your dream. But I've come to realised and accepted the fact that my closest friend(s) are not even supportive of my dream. Its not a big dream after all, whats wrong with being able to stand up on a stage and play a guitar ?

Will my dream turn into reality ?

This week is crazy, totally.

I managed to finally finished up my economic and human resource assignment.. right before the deadline.. its crazy ! Next week is going to be my self declare holiday ! YAY ! Just 1 week free from assignment only.. siann.. I wonder how I'm going to pay off my 2nd installment.. Jeez. I hope andre better not hold my pay. I'm so gonna threaten him.

I kept thinking about the charity concert al told me. I wonder if I actually will get the chance to even perform.. I've been dreaming for like, 2 year ? Its quite maddening. Seen people who get the chance to gig even when they're like not that skilled and stuff.. I'm even more pissed with Ken. Ask people to commit to the band yet he's the one not committing at all, wtf.

Anyhow, I got my helix pierced. For people who don't know where is helix, its the upper cartilage of the ear. The peak folding of the upper ear. But anyway, its not that pain as compare to ear lobe (surprisingly !). Maybe its just me but anyway, I think I want to cut my side short.

Later going to run sales with Elson. I seriously hope I can get some sales.. Just 1 or 2 is enough. Seriously, what's with those executive and manager ? Always went to the place and then no right personnel is there to talk to. fuck it. I just find sales distasteful anyway.

I can't wait for chalet. I'm only excited about the drinking part only anyway.. But I think I wanna try drinking with no mixed and plastic cup so that I can drop-dead drunk. Totally. But I hope we're gonna drink on the day where its after the concert. Hmm..

Need to sleep ! almost 6 now !

Sentosa !!

Today went sentosa with them. It was soooooo fun ! Alright, I had a very bad cramp on my left calf that literally I had no strength to even stand up.

Met them 1.30 at admiralty and then went over to serangoon to meet Eunice, Sylvia, Ivy and Niet (No, I do not know them but after today I know them). Oh yes, so that is the Sylvia they were talking about.. Hahaha !

It was so awkward because they're like so close to them but oh well.. I just somehow don't feel like socializing or what.. Hmm. I'm just so affected by "her".

It is so hard to blog about it, because there is no picture ! We played water polo and then I got buried halfway through. Yes I was. In fact, I even got "raped" by XP because he tried to push his finger through the sand and he keep playing with my nipple. THAT IS GAY ALRIGHT ?! LOL.

Well, the most common action people do is after they get up from being buried, they jump right into the sea. Jump right in I do. But then mid air while I jumped, my calf CRAMP. mind you, its a big cramp.. I totally could not stand up for the next half an hour ! My god..

They played some sort of game with forfeits that include running to a point and come back, only in boxer. My god, I would join if I was wearing boxer and my leg ain't cramp. But oh well. LOL.

Came back home around 12.30am. And yes, I haven't shower yet because I've been busy trying to unload my stress.. Got to continue on my assignment already.

Wishing I was smaller

So stress. Projects, assignment, work, band commitment.

Today woke up by Yang's call asking me to go hougang then go down bishan to meet them.. But oh well, I don't have my concession ez-link anymore.. so I rejected. I almost forgot there is executive meeting today. I think if I forget, Andre confirm kill me.

Went down to central around 3pm and saw baoshuang.. Oh well, finally I found someone who is willing to study with me ! But there is such a difference between our level.. Hmm.. Only manage to finish up till the introductory and content level before I went for the meeting.

Andre apparently wants to do drastic measure if I still don't get sales. How to get sales when people one by one keep playing me out ? Sian. I swear I'm not getting into the sales line anymore.. Never liked it and will never. Unless God bless that I got a huge order before june end. I'm so going to give 10% tithing if that really happen !

Went to counter strike with them.. My god ! Its been so long since I play.. Lost so much of my skills.. But oh well, I do prefer playing l4D or wolfteam actually.. Actually, I kind of miss last time when I had so much time at home and I don't know what to do but just game here and there.. Especially the nights when I chiong maple with Elson and SJ. Damn.

Yes ah, tomorrow going sentosa. I think I should sleep now. I hope I can get a tan !

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I tried to let go. But I found out recently I never were. I wasn't trying to let go but I'm just trying to mask my feeling up thats all. Hearing your name whenever someone mention is just like a double edge sword to me. Hearing how you mention about you missing someone and you liked someone, I kept wondering if its me. But good thing, I knew I was just being delusional.

I hope you still remember the moment at 280210 12.32am.

Laziness, my worst enemy.

I found myself drifting delusional recently, again.

Today went down to JAPrintz to slack (Yes, I slack at my workplace). But anyway, helped leon mod his phone. From LG Viewty into iPhone ! HAHA ! Cool eh ?

Went to class. I'm starting to know more and more people ! Class today was really rush. But thank god human resource ain't such a hard module to learn. Concurrently, Basic Economics. Which means.. MATHEMATICS ! My god. But its only basic. Will I be able to survive the future modules ? It is always motivating whenever I came out from Wilkie Edge and I saw "Against big odds ? God can help you" even though I'm not really much of a Christian now compared to last time..

I kept thinking and imagining how I will be able to make up with Pinky. But I don't think I want to state it out here. But I think I need to wake up and drop the idea, because it is literally impossible I guess.

Need to focus on my assignment ! No more slacking !

Time has come.

Today is such a relax day. Totally.

Went for jamming just now, as expected, it did not go very well. Especially when new drummer does not plays rock as his main genre. Its obvious with the way he improvise anyway. I don't even know what to do for this band, as kenneth describe me as the "wanna-be" leader. Whatever.

I did a very very careless thing just now. I was shaving and then somehow, I shave across a hump. It was a pimple that was so small that I couldn't see. It bleed. My god, it didn't stop till like 10 minute later. Crazy.. I realize I've been sleeping so late that I'm starting to have so much pimple. Damn it, I think I may want to consider those facial treatment or whatever they call it. HAHA ! But orgim needs it more than me.

Planning to go down JaPrintz tomorrow. I'm so going to take like 20 namecard back. I'm too lazy to keep going back office. I hope I'll get JJ, Stephanie and Jamie's deal so that I can keep my position stable and Andre won't keep on bugging me for sales. Maybe this is my first and last month there. Though I may stay if things seems good or he offer me a better package.

I've been listening to Haru Haru so much recently !! Its such a sad song though the first time when Pinky (it was her) intro me I thought its some kpop bright song. Then again, maybe she intro me this song to indirectly tell me the reason for our break up. Whatever it is, its over already. This song is so totally connecting to Zakurogata no yuuutsu by Gazette and About a Girl by The Acadamy Is ! Aiyaaaaaa I need to stop listening. I don't wanna get bored of these song so soon !

XP, WJ and SJ didn't went for Alex's "multi-million" interview ! HAHA ! What a joke. I call this MLM Phailed. Anyhow, I think I'm going to sleep now. I'm so hungry.

Was rushing a lifestyle in the first place ?

I'm much rushing. Really.

Its not that I do not have time to blog. But it is so happening lately that I don't feel like blogging, because I would be typing literally an essay.

First of all, my work. My effort pump into Y-hope is finally coming into fruition. JJ wants to order 100 piece.. That means if Andre gives $10, I would be hitting only 1/10 of my quota. But in any case, I hated sales & marketing anyway. But it is good experience no doubt.

Andre actually cutted cost by not letting me open the shop. WTF ? Well, of course, why would he want to pay me "so much" for such a small enterprise ? By so much, I meant not even hitting $1200. Which not even MNCs, are already able to pay me that much considering I'm getting a diploma. -_-"

Well, secondly, I've 3 assignment on hand. Deadline is 5th june. My god, I need a miracle badly. Thankfully this is not anything like the last few one.

I just can't be bothered to update what happens recently. So anyway, just now we saw Alex. And he kept talking about how much he is earning (10k paycheck, you believe ?) and he wants to drive ferrari by age 20 and he wanted to recruit us and blah blah blah. Well, apparently he thinks we're still kids and we're dumb. Maybe they're but I'm not. He's definitely doing Multi-Level Marketing. What a cheap way.

I don't deny what he says is true. I also don't deny that the 10k paycheck is believable. Of course, you got to have godlike qualities to have that kind of money. But I don't believe Alex have, even though his speech is really convincing that made SJ and Yi Min wanted to join them (you're in deep shit if you join alright ?). Of course, 10k paycheck is believable because there are people who made 1 million dollar of MLM and sales. Its called the "Million Dollar Roundtable"association.

The most unbeliveable part ? He only worked 3 day and he is drawing 4 digit pay (maybe its true). He said he wanted to be REGIONAL MANAGER. My God, at 17 year old ? I don't believe it. Unless CEO is his father la. To be just a small time director, the requirement is 3 account with at least 1 million dollars inside, he want to be regional manager ? No seriously, he takes me for a 3 year old for sure.

But anyway, gave XP my namecard and then he went telling him "I'm earning 2.4k without commission at executive level. I also got employees under me and I'm doing some sort of MLM which adds up, my monthly pay is around 5k. Not alot as compared to yours I guess". Well, Alex was shocked. Earning 10k and shocked ? What a lie.

But seriously, his reverse psychology are something admirable which I must admit I might not match his level. But seriously, no company name, no name card, no clear job scope & job spec, how you want me to believe ? Sounds more like a black society company to me.

PHAILED.

I survived the 8 hour long lecture. But my brain died after that. -_-"

Works are all piling up.. Its crazy ! My god. I got HRM assignment, and now, Basic economics assignment ?! Next to all this, I just became a Sales Executive ! God damn it. I really need some miracles to pull me through all this in good shape.. Sians.

Monday went down to Evergreen to follow up.. But damn it, the securities are giving us a fucking hard time.. After we fail to contact the teachers, that security guard was literally laughing at us. LITERALLY. Damn it. I swear the next time I go back to follow up I'm gonna bring it up to the management.

After that went back to JaPrintz and had a executive meeting that goes on for 3 hour. good god. Brain died after that.. Wanted to go for L4D and then suddenly xp say guangwei there got trouble.. Hesitated for a little but I decided to follow him down.. Yes, I spent $70 yesterday on cab fare, just for his quak quak birthday and the trouble at PS.

Was quite tensed there.. But I guess before the fight we all can still play maxtune and initial D.. HUH ? After everything settled down we all went lepak lepak.. But apparently, to join their clique, there is an procedure. Yes. Getting love bite by a guy. I DID GOT ONE ! I'm so gonna post the photo here !

cab down to red hill to give XP's present to quak quak. His proposal, or shall I say, gift giving, was entirely FAILED. Epically failed. I swear everyone was laughing and if it was video down and go on youtube, it is gonna get like millions of view !

After that, went to XP house to ton. He was sad. HAHA ! No, I'm not a sadist but to woo a girl without planning, sorry, in depth planning, is a sure-fire way of failing. Cause when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I told him there is still hope, Obviously. Chance can always be created, it is a matter of how you going to attack her heart. sheesh.

I'm back at office now. And I think I'm gonna go take a smoke break.