A blank point of view

At some point, it probably occurs to everyone out there, perhaps as an epiphany or just a moment of thought, that everyone around you has their own background, a sob story to tell and pains to face. Personally I do not believe that even the richest person has no pains. Perhaps the pains he/she has to go through to achieve great wealth is just one of it.

The above thoughts, not many people could hold in their heart as a world view to approach people. I don't think I approach people with "this person probably has his own sob story". But meeting Enting last night has made me reviewed my paradigm of seeing people. Maybe people acts in a certain way is determined by their own pains and personal story. More specifically, the story with big incidents that changed their growing up years.

I'm probably not gonna get a degree in psychology but seeing as how the above idea is and after ruminating on it, I guess it is not such a surprise that people put on mask(s) to protect themselves. Masks to hide their vulnerable side and insecurities. I think its true that is not such a surprise, since as primates we take cover to hide from danger, we do the same mentally.

It makes sense. Sometimes people just want to understand our weak point to gain the upper hand. Very rare would people take time to listen a fellow out and help them. I mean, who the hell has time in Singapore to help a fellow brother out right? It's all about degree, career and settling down.

But I guess the more masks a person put on, it just means the more scars and pain a person has to deal with. Or let me reiterate, the equation above applies to majority of the people around us.

And so I asked, what's the downside to masks? It simply disallowed people who are willing to invest and help you out because they could not understand you on a personal and intimate level. But again, I guess that also serve to filter out those who are genuinely interested in us, yes?

- Ben

Solomon's Epiphany

After near 3 months of work in Elsevier as a credit controller, I have finally got my confirmation letter. A confirmation that my boss is real satisfied with my performance and wants me to work for the organization.

Other than this being my first real corporate job, not that I haven't been to MNC before but this one actually entitles me to the full permanent staff benefits, it is also the highest paying job I ever had. In fact, so blessed that none of my previous jobs come close.

Thinking back and after drawing such high paycheck for the past 2 month, splurging was only normal. However, there is one thing I realize after splurging so much. The only joy that ever lasted was when I splurge on someone else, not myself. There are so many things that I want, yet nothing really makes me more happy than to buy someone a coffee, a meal, or just a simple monetary gift.

I guess when Solomon acquired all the wealth he could ever contained or wish for, perhaps he had realized that everything is meaningless and nothing matters more than things of the eternal, the blessing and adding upon of another fellow's soul.

Asking a friend out is not that hard, but to have a full-blown heart talk is rare. No one is ever present even if they are just sitting opposite you nowadays. It's always a good practice to silent your phone and turn it facing downwards, that way, when you are fully present, you are blessing someone else with your presence and time. Unfortunately, that is not something people around me practices. Perhaps I just do not have the good fortune.

So I had my mid-year review today and my boss said she is really satisfied with my performance and no complaint, even though I had a few hiccups for the past weeks. I'll take that as a compliment. One thing that I try to cling onto when I entered Elsevier was that, I must never be contend with my position, not because I want a promotion or pay raise but because it honors God.

I would say at this point, with confidence, I am not worried about not having a degree or whether if I would get the next promotion or how much is my 2015 pay raise. My only security lies in whether if I have honored God everyday and that's all I need to accomplish. Though I have to say it is not easy to always keep that in mind.

With the above goal, I really think that this is the correct mindset and paradigm to hold, no matter what job and career you are in, you will succeed. And one last thing, you are secured, never worrying about not having enough. 

- Ben

No Ragrets

The title is funny because those who watched "We're the Millers", there's this guy with the tattoo that reads "No Ragrets" across his chest. Then again, the same guy looks like Axl Rose from Guns N' Roses in his younger days of Rock N' Roll.

I feel like there are a lot of things that I have been holding onto. To be honest, I thought after seeing my Pink IC again, I could finally close the chapter of NS on my life. It just does not felt that way. I guess NS was a bittersweet experience for me. I hated my CSM but then I came to appreciate him for all that he has done and never a time did he speak of why he did what he had to do.

Sometimes, I feel like I wasted my last 2 years because all I did was complain and look at my own suffering and then looking back now, I ask the question on 'What did I learnt ' ? I guess every mother son was there in the same camp with me yet each and single one of us received differently, though we had the same training, same superior and same treatment.

I remember being slightly excited for enlistment, with the conviction that I will go where God has in mind for me and upon seeing the word "2SIR" instead of Tekong, I was convinced that this is specific.

Then again, after 6 months has passed, I rue the day that I decided not to feign illness during my medical check-up. Actually, the entire time in 2SIR was hell, probably to be specific, 2SIR Alpha Company, led by CSM Kok & Cpt Gan.

The infamous Cpt Gan of Tekong 'R' Coy, coupled with my CSM who was an ADF regular who got CSM of the year (if I'm not wrong), the treatment was really different from other company. I remember having a 30 minute water parade the very first night because some mother's son just can't hold a 90-degree posture.

Subsequently, all I know was tons of punishment and training, turn-out and changing parade on 3rd night and then FBO turn-out run on the 5th night. Not sure if this is regular Infantry or perhaps Alpha company was just trained like ADF soldier instead.

Then again, thinking back, my only true regret was to only complain and not embrace the whole time I was at 2SIR. I guess my take back was having the best Armskote in the entire battalion and the fact that I have now enough discipline to be consistently 10 minute early in office everyday. I look at Kenneth, a fellow church mate who enlists into 16th Mono, he seems so happy and gaining so much even in the midst of much tough training.

I think possibly, my CSM was one-of-a-kind. He did not cared about position or KPI, he had his own standard of what is good and to raised disciplined soldiers that's all. What a focused & genuine man.

Ruminating on all this, I posed myself this question and perhaps If I may, to those who chance upon this blog, are we able to truly live a life of zero complain and embrace what comes ? Perhaps that's the true definition of living life to the fullest with no regrets.