Please stop.

No, I did not hit the library today again. Haha ! Most likely tomorrow I guess.

Went to meet ziyi because I want to take a rest today from research. Wahaha ! I got lazy anyway. Went to her house, play a lil bit of random stuff.. After that went to meet XP and Elson because they wanted to get some "stuff"..

After that went to 845 and slack.. XP wanted to call Pinky out to slack. I assured him that it will not work even if he say that I'm not there.. Indeed it did not.. I wish it did though.

XP went off around 9.30 and then continue slacking with elson and ziyi.. We're all very keen on talking about one topic. SEX. LOL. Maybe we're despo people. wtf.

Came onto the topic.. Couldn't bring myself to accept the fact that she has changed. Changed into an ahlian perhaps. I jump into a trap, knowing the danger involved. I was warned. I can only have myself to blame I guess..

Wish I could stop thinking.. Wish that time could stop on 280210.. Wish that she will stop changing into what would not benefits. I am powerless. She probably will tell me that who am I to say all this.

Going to sleep now. Probably hitting the library tomorrow I guess. Should be bringing my laptop there also.

Weird dream pt 2

Nope, I did not hit the library today. Instead I awoken late due to a phone call by xiaopang and before that, a fucking weird dream.

Dreamed that all the 42 people including me were at woodlands centre market eating.. Then I don't know for whatever weird reason, a big gang of people starts to come over and beat us up.. And oh, in the middle of being beaten, I dream of myself being possess by another soul and I do not feel any pain from the injuries... wtf ? After that I woke up.

----------

Did a little bit of research and improvise chapter 1 of my assignment.. Its hardwork ! :D.. Then went to meet xiaopang & Elson.

Smoke then chat and chat. XP said that 42 people didn't celebrate his birthday, not even a sms. I'm not surprise because for the past 4 years I've know them, they did not celebrate my birthday once. What to do ? They're still my best friends.

Sometimes I don't like 1 or 2 particular person in 42 group.. Especially after knowing their dark secret. But its okay, I'll try MY BEST to accept you. wtf.

Went on and continue on my assignment work... And yes, I can't believe I actually wrote up to 500+ words in just 1 day and my word limit is like 1200. Haha ! I'll have no problem baby !! :D

Almost 5 now. Going to sleep. Hope I get a job soon.

I heard how you changed. I don't know what to say. I want to help you.. Guess all I can say is good luck to you.

Brain Juice

Sat went for band outing. Celebrated francis belated 1 month ago birthday cum band 1st outing together.

We all went to fish n co. And just as I expected, we still have to wait to be seated. But it was pretty fast anyway. And coincidentally, it was earth day ! The timing is perfect, I'll explain why.

The moment our food came, the lights went off, with only the candles infront of us. Pretty cool anyway. Its like a candle-lite dinner but we did not paid for the candle. HAHA ! We joke alot and oh well, about Francis & Chong being camera shy or too old for cam-whoring. LOL WTF.

It was kind of cold and after we all finish settling this and that, we went out of the restaurant. And the moment we stood up our seat, the light went back. Exact timing. HAHA ! nice :)

Went to istana cause I wanted to tell alphonse something and advised her on christian's personal life tips and blah blah blah. LOL. Saw shuping, Ace and some other Yishun group people. Kind of nostalgic. Used to hang out with them after the restructuring of North. But anyway, that was history and no more.

Brought a pack of cigeratte then went home with chong and alphonse dropping off at amk.

----------------

School's at 9am today. And well, I have to say my timing is getting more and more ridiculously accurate. I reach my classroom exactly 9am on my phone's time. No joke.

It was stressful. Its like cramming 4 lesson into 1 lesson. I only had 4 hour of sleep so I kept smoking every break I had. But anyway, the lesson is super duper informing. I learnt so much stuff that I never heard or came across before. HAHA !

Like they say, Wisdom is Power. I feel so much more powerful now (:

Went to meet ziyi at cwp. When I was at somerset, I told her I will reach at 6.50pm. And yes, I did reach cwp sharp on 6.50pm at my phone's timing. Its creepy ! But I guess thats a good sign of planning timeline and et cetra et cetra blah blah blah.

Went home and had a long long long informing talk with my brother. He totally pwn the whole Business Environment thing like he is so damn experience. But anyway, I'm so stress about the assignment. Topic - Why are competition an important element of Free Market System ?

Found a few point but found even fewer sources to support my arguement. I'm dead this time round. I think I may actually have to hit the library tomorrow or something. But anyway, someone donate your brain juice to me, can ? ><"

Weird dream

Woke up to a very cool and scary dream. Its cool but its scary. Because its yet another one of my zombie apocalypse-based dream ! But this time, totally rock my sock. I can remember it so clearly.

It started when I was slacking at a car park next to 846. Well, It was then I think ziyi got bite by a guy which I could not identify is he still a human or berserk barbarian. The zombie was coming for me.. But a quiet mysterious guy came and shot the zombie in the face with a double barrel.

That guy didn't said anything to me.. After that he drag me down and then a red car totally stop in front of me.. Without hesitation that guy opened the door, push me in the back seat and stole the driver seat and drove off.

I remembered it damn clear, the girl seating beside me is a Jamaican and she's damn hot. I kept flirting her. Next thing I know is I called wen jun to find out where they are...

All the XiZi people took refuge at Yi Min house.. Except Elson. I don't know why but really, that's what happened !

Along the way, I saw DK ! Weird thing was the weird driver drove very slowly. DK refused to get on the car. After the car turn out onto the road along Evergreen sec, the driver speed off.. Saw alot of people ran out of the school and among them, I saw Ellina. Totally random ! Some were panting, must be the school had some weird fuck-up zombie.

Next thing was I was on the highway. I was drove to this very secluded one way road leading to a beach. The road is kind of long & curvy. Something like the road from 211 leading down to Woodlands Jetty but this was far more longer and curvier. The driver even bang the side fender of the car because it was too dark and curvy. This is not the first time I dreamt of this location.

After stopping, received a message from Pinky asking me to help her. I asked her to fucked off. Haha ! Next thing, I realized some children in front of the car are turning into zombie. Why ? They had pale, blueish face and red eyes.

After that, the weird driver decide to drives me to Yi min house and drop me off there. On the way I advised my brother on how to kill a zombie. LOL.

After reaching the void deck of Yi Min house.. I looked around.. It was damn quiet and dark. The wind was cold ! I went up the staircase.. A zombie pounce on me and I woke up.

I just remembered, I was thinking about playing L4D before I doze off.

Supposed but no

Supposed to go for pool with them.. But oh well, I overslept even though Leon morning called me but I went back to sleep.. LOL

Slept my way till 4pm due to the fact I haven't sleep for 40 hour. Woke up when XP called me saying he got some trouble with people at PS. Totally shocked me. I thought he was surrounding by over 20+ people, going to kana gang. In the end the matter was put off.

After that went over to Ziyi house then ate dinner.

Tomorrow going down to harbour front with her for her interview then bringing her over to Recruit express.. And wow, recruit express do gives me job that is quite ridiculous.. I want to work at Unilever again if I can.

Gotta wake up early tomorrow.

Why are you so cold to me ?

Does it even matter now ?

Today was fun. I fell in love with mahjong ever since I played the first time at Yi Min house and Yi Lin became super duper frustrated teaching me. LOL.

Went to evergreen with Wen Jun to collect testimonial cert. Felt quite nostalgic, walking the walkway that I use to once hate. Arrive at the Admin Office where I once hate to be at because that means I got disciplinary issues. Ha !

Walk to the canteen to buy a drink. Well, Wen Jun and me, we got ulterior motive for doing that. Obviously, to observe .. hehehe ! Looks like our junior some are quite cute. What a waste, I should've been born in like 1995 or 1996.. (Maybe in admiralty sec would be good too...)

Went to Yi Min house after that. Met up with Marcus, Shi Jie, Joseph, Leon & Emma. Played mahjong like mad.. Then Xiao Pang came also. I love mahjong ! Despite I'm still quite noob Haha !

Went to 768 because they wanted to have dinner. Went to walk with Yi Min cause we both wanted to talk about things that only we both understand each other.. Our heart were really burden and heavy. Thank you Yi Min ! :D

Can't believe I watch TV with Yi Min till I sleep.. If im not wrong I think I lie beside Yu Fen haha ! Damn funny. Woke up around 10.30pm then blur blur thought morning liao..

Rush over to 845 because Ziyi said there was a urgent issue. What else ? Chang, you have really did it this time. Fuck.

Went to Ziyi house to cook 2 pack of instant noodle purely because I was hungry like a mad dog. And I swear I ate alot too ! If I'm not wrong.. well.. Prawn, Meat ball, Fishball, minced meat, veggies, slices of chicken meat.. omg ! And no, I swear i'm really 55kg only. Haha !

Went home to help my father fix his iphone. Restore + Jailbreak + Cydia. Here is some photo goodies to show the process of fixing it :D





















---------------------------------

Knowing the truth is like having a double-edge sword impaled into your heart. But it is also the same thing that sets you free.

Among all the relationship she have, she only loved one person. But that person is not me but my best friend. Conclusion - I stead with a person who didn't even like/love me in the first place. Or perhaps I'm delusional again ? This is agonizing.

Don't understand why I kept thinking about her day and night.

Dream

Yes, I'm only blogging now and next i'm going to bath & sleep. Shit.

Went to pick up ziwei at around 5.50pm with ziyi. Ate mac for dinner and saw Jiajing. In my current confuse mind, I felt a surge to run away from reality. I knew that deep down I still misses them. Wtf. LOL. I shouldn't be saying that ! Damn.

Came home, had family meeting. Talked over how my mom dislike me this and that which pretty much shows that she don't understand me well enough, and well enough, she finally realize that today. Talked over how fuck up our neighbor are..

Addicted to watching Dream (SBS).. A Korean drama. First time ! But anyway, I finally know why last time Yi Min so obsessed with Kim bum. Cause he REALLY is good looking ! The episodes are really long, like 1 hour per episodes ?

Anyway, going to go shower now.

I shouldn't be missing you one bit. You were the one who let me down first.

T0D4Y.

Yesterday ton at ziyi house because I kept watching "Ming Zong Zhu Ding Wo Ai Ni" till around 5am. It was addictive. Jamming today was not bad.

After coming home from ziyi house, prepared to go for jamming. Had a brief quarral with my mom. Everything, always. Don't understand why.

After seeing my cigarette box then she went nagging on and on about things that aren't even relevant to me smoking. Then after, went on to my family history, always. She always like to speak about the past. Why my mom just cannot live in the present for god sake ? She totally went like "I understand you too much" and then I was like thinking, WTF. She's crapping. totally.

Jamming was good thou kenneth was late for 45min. Jam lotsa songs and our sync is quite well now. Close to performing standard perhaps, but not yet for that. Wonder when will I stand on stage to play guitar.

Went to pub with the band, and that guy there totally thought I'm so poor to afford a beer or something and no, I did not order anything but I brought a peach tea and went into the pub and 30 min later that guy came over to tell me no drinks allowed even though my drink was well inside my bag.

Paid the total bill of their drinks with my mastercard and I swear that guy had a fucking cover-up shocked face. Bloody guy thought I'm poor or what.

Now back home, and I don't even know what to do with ziyi. But i'm pretty tired. lol.

Rubbed away

Wanted to go to the doctor today, but realize when ziyi told me its half day today. Damn.

Met her 1+.. Wanted to go private clinic and not even one is also open. wtf. Its like usually you can find it anywhere at anytime but when you need it, its not there. Can't stand the swelling abit now. But its not getting bigger so it should be alright.

Supposed to go marina square with them but went to centre for pool with Leon, Joseph and orgim instead. Win all the match, as expected ? Afterward, went to play L4D with them. It was so fun ! The last time I play l4D in a lan shop is like last year.. LOL

Had fun shouting this and that. Went to ziyi house then watch some weird taiwan drama but it was nice. Made my final decision to burn that band. After that I decided to delete all the photo and no. containing her. Sad but still, I couldn't tear.

No plan tomorrow, going to learn Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith now. But I'm addicted to listening Yang Cong by Aska Yang. How ?

Used to ____

Woke up and ziyi is watching Hai Pai Tian Xian. My ear swelling more today. And today I found out I've got Otitis Externa, AKA Swimmer's ear.

Wanted to go down yishun and take a look at the Aino but dad say it should be sold already, so I figured I'll go down next week and probably price will drop too.

Went to Ziyi house.. Played wrestling with her (can you believe it ?) and blind mice with her family.. All I know was I ran across the room, ram onto a fan, and the whole fan head fall apart. Wtf. Dust went all over her room. I couldn't stop laughing too.. Haha !

I got drag into her room out of sudden. And then I found out actually JJ and Pinky got lock outside and they come Z's house for refuge. Wish I could show some concern but appearently, 2 of the person I love most with all my heart is also the 2 person who hate me most. This is so depressing.

Stayed in the room, can only listen to their voice. Its saddening. Kept asking myself why this happened, what made the situation now, How did it come to this situation and stuff like that. And I thought of one song.

Paramore - Decode (Extract from Chorus 1a)

How did we get here ?
When I used to know you so well !

Exchange some horror stories with ziyi after they left, had some goosebump but not enough to scare the daylight out of me. Went home around 11+ to discuss song with Alphonse. Exciting for jam on 22nd.

Now i'm going to make some supper/dinner. And no, I'm not fat or obese at all.

New Phone ?

Wanted to cycle with joseph today but was raining heavily. So went to yimin house.

Woke up at 3pm +.. I'm sleeping more and more.. Damn. Anyway, went to yimin house.. marcus, wj and sj was there.. went off around 6.. so I stayed with yimin.. we both got something to talk about anyway. Haha !

Watched "Hai Pai Tian Xin".. I literally throw myself into that show.. Rainie yang is so pretty ! haha ! Anyway, went off around 10+ then go meet ziyi.. Then around 1am came home with her..

My dad brought home a corrupted iPhone 3G.. So I tried my luck and yes, now the iPhone is fine :D.. Not bad. I'm a genius right ?! HAHAHAHA.. Never mind.

Tomorrow going down yishun.. To take a look at the Sony Ericsson Aino my dad friend has reserved.. I hope I can get that phone.. its awesome !

Heard some stuff from Ziwei today. But I began to suspect if they're all in a cahoot together to cheat me off.. But i'm probably just delusional.. And yup, Ziyi is at my house now and I'm so bored don't know what to do. I hope I don't get too high LOL !!! Just kidding (:

Crashed

Went cycling and again, met ziyi. I'm literally meeting her everyday.

Cycled with Azrul and Joseph today.. Went to vista park again.. Kind of crazy and its quite tiring. LOL. But anyway, I had a new achievement, today. I reverse cycle all the way from vista park back to the RC at 846. Haha ! omg ! I'm awesomeeeeeee !

Met Ziyi and ask her why this morning breakfast was cancelled. And I already expect the answer. Confirm is the Chang side one. Yeah, it was. But its kind of contradicting actually. I'll say why.

Ziyi said that JJ and pinky say why must I come along and they don't want to see me. Later in the evening, I asked JJ why is she so unfriendly, she said is not she don't want, is her parent don't want her to be close to me. Which comes to my question.. So, is her parent or she really don't want but don't want to tell me or Ziyi is lying ? LOL.

Which actually leads to my next question, what did I do that made both of them hate me so much where as they're the only two person that dislike me among all the people surrounding me ?

I kind of started to doubt ziyi because she told me pinky deleted my number followed by telling me to forget her. Which Pinky said she did not. But anyway, doesn't really matter. I kind of analyse and I guess there is not a chance to patch with her anyway.

Well. my condolence to azrul. Allie asked him to stay away from her but they're both stead. What a tormenting feeling which I can totally identify with.

Off to sleep now. No plans for tomorrow, kind of boring. Someone offer me a job and my school to faster start please !

Wish+Hope

Finish going through all 22nd jam list. Love the songs, I'm so excited. Going to pick up my guitar when i wake up later.

I can't help but look at her facebook profile, again. And yes, I still see that "add as friend" button. Its kind of sad. Saw her posting "am i really short?" question. Wish I could comment. But oh well.

She sounded as though the relationship was nothing. It wasn't meant anything to her. Maybe she didn't like me at all. I'm nothing special to her. l0l.

I swear I got a notepad of a list of things I want to do when I have a girlfriend. omg. I feel like having a breakdown. :(

If Feb 28th was a dream, I would rather not wake up forever. Off to smoke my last stick of cigarette.

200th

This is my 200th post ever since I opened this blog in 2005 dec. Cool. Went cycling, played candle with Chang's younger sisters and had an in-depth talk with azrul.

Cycled with Joseph and azrul. We played that crazy spin thing on vista park and I realise my stamina went bad. I could keep spinning forever last time but oh well, I'm getting old. HAHA.

Finally found out whats that buzzing sound when I pedal hard on my bmx, it was because my rear wheel is loose therefore when I pedal it would go sideway and well, rub agains my brake. Such a simple issue I didn't notice ! I used to be so-called bmx technician with XP last time ! OMG.

Talked to azrul about his Allie's girlfriend. Appearently its complicated and I can totally understand because I'm in a situation about the same as him. Ha. Nadia, Hazwan, Yasin & Shak came after Joseph went off. Haven't seen them for a while, esp nadia ! HAHA ! I love her white teeth. :X

Went to find ziyi around 9+ and found out that later they're going to play candles with the CHANGS. jeez. And oh well, things do happen eh.

Pinky actually shuts me off after a few sms while we're only 5 meter apart. But I can't be too shock about it, its like this. JiaJing appearently Love/Hate me, not surprised too. No choice but played candle with Jiajia and Baojun, they're so cute LOL.

I actually had a in-depth talk with Jiajia ! OMG ! But thats okay. People are getting smarter and smarter these days.

I'm going to watch FMA: Brotherhood ep 48. The promised day is coming.

Skyway Avenue

Went Jamming last night, Went Swimming yesteryesterday. Today going to Cycle. Ha ! My life is so filled but I felt a little empty.

Swimming was fun. But reach there had thunderstorm and heavy rain. Told ziyi that everything will stop by 3.30. Lord and behold it really stop and allowed entry right on 3.30 at my phone's time. LOL!

Had lots of fun with Ziyi & her family.. But was panting the whole time because they thought I'm a shark and they trying to swim away so I played along. LOL.

------------------

Jamming yesterday was quite good. Had alot of talk with kenneth, band's new drummer. Glad he managed to fit in. Play music is one thing and bonding with band member is also one thing. Thats what I learnt from Guns & roses. HAH ! Nice.

Ate at a "Five Star" Restaurant. At least that was what the restaurant name is.. But well, the "de-bone" chicken is kind of.. LOL. Hor fan was alright, but not even comparable to some of those coffee shop "zhu chao".. XD

Went to Ziyi's house and ton that night. Ate alot also.

-----------------

Going to cycle with Joseph later. And oh well, My condolance to Jamie. If you see my blog (:

-----------------

Haven't heard from HER few days already. Wonder how is her school work, her life and stuff like that. Thought about JiaJing yesterday night too. Realise that I actually had alot of beautiful memories with her..

Remembered there is one time she almost went crossing the road with an oncoming fast car and I literally hug her.. WTF. Then I remembered that we look into each other eye like it was some drama but no, it was real. But never mind.

Saw Baojun yesterday, still as cute as ever. She thought ziyi was some ghost that came knocking on her door at 12+am.. LOL. Didn't see Jiajia, but oh well..

Going to have my lunch and meet joseph now.

Phobia

Woke up to found the pot half-empty of curry. And it became sticky. WTF.

Was so bloody hungry last night at 5am, I decided to faster doze off so that when I wake up I can eat the curry my mom is cooking today. But I woke up to an unexpected standard that my mom has disappointed. And it looks as though eat already will have diarrhoea or something.

The swimming is confirmed for later. Haha ! But we're going to jurong. Kind of "scared" but excited.. Lots of memories with WJ and several other people there.. One memories. I could not forgot.

I can even remember that after I went, my ear totally got stuck. Scared it will happen again. I hope not but most likely on my right ear because of hearing loss and well, wax.

It was stuck for 1 whole month because fucking KK Hospital appointment was so fucking full. But talking about KK hospital, its kind of nostalgic.

Still can remember we all went to visit Pinky when she got admitted to hospital.. Joke with her like mad at mcdonald and JJ went storming off because no one wanted to talked to her. Ha. Its over now. Today morning, I still feel the pain and hurt.

Shinku Yori Fukaku.

Very Few.

Watched Break-Out today. Kind of amazing, inspired me to pick up dancing a little.

Went to marina square with my brother, Yao Hui, YH's GF and Godmother. Had dinner together.. A bloody fat women stole the table we were standing next to, about to sit down. WTF.

Had a short smoke then went to see Break-Out performance.. It was amazing.. Love the popper, the beatbox and the hip hopper.. Incidently Mosaic was also performing.. Haha !

Well, one act in break-out was really touching.. Kind of reminded me of her.. Almost as if I thought I found the one for me but it all just had to go away..

Didn't know Mosaic played blues & jazz.. Kind of made me thinking to get a telecaster ! But I guess thats not a bad idea.. I can just change my pickups to EMG's and let my telecaster settle the blues genre :D

Wanted to watch alice in the wonderland but went to relax at mac.. Watched Chelsea & West Ham United match..

End of the day, I couldn't get over her yet. Almost like she stolen my heart but I don't want to take it back.. An infectious bite that I do not want to cure from.

Someone said my hair look like Super Saiyan.. HAHA ! Maybe I should go bleach it gold.. Tomorrow probably going swimming with Ziyi.. I swear I'm going try my best to get a tan :D

Honmono ka Nisemono ? Watashi wa Shira Nai.

Ain't no meaning

That is a friendship band between me, Yang and Pinky. Yang lost it. And it got no more meaning anymore.

We brought this band when we went to watch 2012.. It was that day when I realised I've fallen for her.. I've always refuse to take it off no matter how loose or spoilt it is. But today, it lost the meaning for me to hold on to.

"I noe ar. Aiya I lazy to reply and I don wan to care la" - Pinky
I thought she didn't notice that I sent her a message so ziyi sent her a sms to check. But this is what she replied back.

She deleted me on facebook and msn. I said I wanted to be just a normal friend. But today she gave me the answer in the most indirect way I've ever seen. Maybe I was just being irritating. But many people told me its not my fault. Maybe they were right ?

I think I'm going to burn the band later. Sadistic.

Sore Wo Koe Te Iru. Sayonara ando Oyasumi.

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Today went cycling with Joseph. XP and Azrul pang seh us.. So me and Joseph just went down to 755 and slack with XP, wenjun, marcus and shi jie. Emma went off after a brief 5 minute I saw her. LOL.

Had a good time. Haven't met them for quite a time.. Played ABC & bullet with them.. XP literally tried to destroy my bmx.. But its okay, its the fun, joy & laughter right ? (I'm lying to myself ;_:) LOL !

Went for dinner with Ziyi and Ziwei, talked about her. Persuade Z that we should just stop worrying and how to help the Changs. Its their business.

Learnt how to apply foundation, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, blusher & lip gloss myself at ziyi house. It was fun but made her super frustrated. LOL ! It was amazing.



Had a very in depth talk with Yi Min. It was a good talk. I guess we were both relief from our own stress. Haha.. Lets talk again next time okay ? :P

Smell like teen spirit

Apart from my recent addiction to twilight, I found that its applicable in reality.

Cycled past her house today.. Remembered the smell she has, it was so nice. I can even tell what shampoo she used. Sunsilk Soft & Smooth..

Got no reply from her on facebook. Maybe she didn't want to be friend with me anymore or something.

Tanbakkutaimushi Te Kudasai .

-----------------------

Went for cycling with Joseph, Azrul & Xiao Pang.. We wanted to cycle from woodlands to yishun ITE and the reservoir.. But appearently my chain broke half way and it cost like $18 to fix it..

Fixed my chain and we decided to go down to Woodlands Jetty. It was a nice experience.. But I wish she were there with me to enjoy the sunset.. Took lotsa photo and I'm so going to put them on facebook.. aha..

I haven't cycle for so long.. It was around 50 to 55 km/h along the admiralty Rd west down slope.. haha ! Screamed like mad in the forest at RP's area.. damn cool.

Going to see Break-out this saturday at esplanade and Jamming's on monday. Damn excited. Tomorrow going to cycle to yishun for real with them. Haha ! Better hydrate myself now.

Comtemplating Suicidal

I wonder if suicide would be one way to go. But I hope there is a 2 way passage so that I could escape to another dimension.

"stop writing those think tat u still miss me if u really do still love or like me den let me go is the best.stop writing those words is make me feel tat i m very very bad pls stop go fpr others" - Pinky

I guess I should just stop asterisking. It doesn't matter anymore. Talked to her parent last night, received this message today.. I've fallen for someone that I should not have in the beginning..

I was really planning hard, together with Ziyi on how to help her and JiaJing on their studies.. We knew how much it sucks.. But I guess maybe I was too nosy or something like that..

Maybe.. I just wasn't understanding enough or I'm really the bad guy to start with.. But its okay. I should just stop dreaming or thinking altogether.. I doubt I would actually find someone better.. How about going gay ? I don't mind dick-sucking another guy now maybe.. lol

Olewa baka desho.

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Dyed my hair red today.. But well, it came out burgundy/maroon color.. Its not bad actually but my hair is like very dry right now.. lol

I almost wanted to buy that FUSO eyeliner and black nail enamel but ziyi stop me in time.. HAHA. never mind. I feel so depress now and then but without the cigerattes.. Its kind of a misery.

I'm going to watch FMA: Brotherhood ep 47. Its getting so epic.

Missing You

It doesn't get any better. I miss you still.

Its been a boring afternoon.. This my Day 5 without her.. I miss how I could wake up with her message on my phone and I reply with "I just woke up, how are you ?".. Sadly, I can't now.

Sadly this morning I woke up with a message from Ziyi saying "P**** mum wants us to have no contact with her." This is indeed a message totally opposite from what I want.. But I guess it can't be help..

Talked to Ziyi just now.. I totally agree that what P**** mother is doing isn't helping her in anyway.. in terms of studies to social, its worsening. I don't understand why her parent are like that but they definitely need to change or else P**** is going to become what we've never seen before. -__"

My mom just throw my pack of cigeratte away thinking there is nothing inside including my lighter. fuck. But thats okay, I wanted to quit smoking.. But when P**** comes on my mind, it just made me feels so sad.

I'm going to initiate a meeting with her mum and do something. When everything fails, I'm going to reverse psycho and threaten her.. Ha, I'm good !

Zutto zutto, P**** Aishiteru.

---------------------------

Learnt According To You - Orianthi & The Takes Over and Breaks over - Fall Out Boy. Easy songs.. Feels like changing my bridge to floyd rose..

But I feels like buying a new guitar.. That also means transferring my pickup which also means, more money. -_-" I'm GAS-ing for Ibanez RG350DX, Epiphone Les Paul Studio, Jackson Dinky HSS and Jackson Flying V.. all so expensive.. -_-"

Alright, I realise I can shred so much better than half a year ago. That is good.. But I don't think I wanna be Paul Gilbert.. Maybe more to Slash or B.B King.. Haha ! Never mind. Time to go pee or something.

D34D

It's been such a mental torture these few weeks.. I wish this was just all a dream.. But no..

I knew I couldn't let go of her.. Ever since that time we hold each other hand in the theater, it was never like before.. I wish I could reverse the time to before.. But I couldn't.

I've been thinking about something these few days.. What if there is more to just being a human ? Maybe supernatural power or something.. I wish I have a power like Hiro Nakamura in HEROES.

It was through this courting period that I find out so much about her.. That makes me even more want to court her just to protect her.. But no, its over.

I know we're both in love, we're both ready to go on with the relationship.. But someone or something just have to come between us..

Last week I just seen a couple at Dhoby Ghaut with the girl holding a Winnie The Pooh.. And I wish that guy was me and that female were you. But no, I was dreaming too much..

Days without her is so tormenting.. I feel as though its worse than death.. Not being able to see or SMS her is worse than hell.. But to know the TRUTH is even more hurting. The cold hard hurting turth.

I can't believe I went through so much so much effort to plan my saturday date with her.. But how did the saturday end up ? A celebration of my early break up with you.. Or so I thought.

I sat every nightly quietly wondering thousands and thousands of things about you.. But the worse part is I couldn't tear a single drop of tear..

If only we could change history, time travel.. I want to go back to 2009 June.
Zutto zutto, P**** aishiteru. Gomen nasai to oyasumi. :'(