The setting in of lethargic

Its been a blast in this 6 day. I don't know where to begin.

The chalet a crazy... And I don't meant crazy in a good way.. How should I start ? Maybe I should conclude it by saying, we should all drink with absolut brain and responsibility.. LOL. Or rather, responsibility for your own limit of craziness.. No seriously, they went bonker after they were drunk. Jeez.

It was rather crazy cause Elson went flying off with his whatever responsibility as a brother and whatsnot.. Then Yang start to be hyperactive (Incidentally, this is one of the most troublesome drinker) and oh well, I don't want to say anymore. But for the first time in 4 year, I saw Wen Jun crying. The last time was Sec 1 when we got caught for doing something (Not that I don't know but I don't wanna say it out). It was quite a surprise actually.

But of course, what he mutter while crying was about how much he loved us as brother (I'm touched even as I'm typing this) and stuff like that. But no matter what he say, it is still better than what Xiao Pang wrote in his blog. HAHAHA ! At least WJ was much more understandable ! But oh well, I'm touched seriously. But anyway, next day he went saying "No la, I was acting only!" HAHA ! Yes, we all believed him. Believed.

Anyhow, I got so sick of the vodka that on the 2nd day I drank less than 2 cup and I went off to bed. My bed means sleeping on the floor with my own bag as my pillow. But anyhow, it was so hard to continue drinking that the tower still have half left and it belongs to me and Elson. Hehe, there's something to do next time when him or me have some.. ah hems.

I'm back to working at JAPrintz officially, as a part-time sales executive (can you believe this ?) and yup, I can't be bothered to do sales anyway. Just that the title is nice haha ! Anyhow, skipping everything to today, I'm going to work stamford or whatever Sylvia or they all call it, at 10am. I can't believe I said yes to the offer because I can actually slack at JAPrintz all the way by playing PSP and still get paid just that its half of what they offer. But anyway, maybe the work will have something good ? Like a new experience or whatever shit.

Anyhow, I'm gonna take a smoke, look out the window and drink some coffee. Mmm.. Sounds like a executive lifestyle eh ?

You made me --

Sometimes, being you guys friend, its so damn hard. Seriously. Its like my mom taking my dad's nonsense.

After pool went to Yi Min house to meet them, because I want to see them. Does that sounds like I appreciate them as my friend ? Well, of course you dumbass if you think its not. Only to get some nonsense which they may decide that its my immaturity. curiousity and un-thoughtfulness of me to get piss off.

Seriously, they kept whispering to each other, handsign and they don't want to let me know whats happening. Next, they say it got nothing to do with me but they can't let me know. Next, they went praying to "god" for whatever reason because of the place they're going down which they dun even want to tell me. If it got nothing to do with me, why can't they tell me. If they can't tell me, they can tell Yu Fen ? Thats nice. Very nice of them. What kind of friend ? Doing something against their conscious thats why cannot tell ? Or is it some million dollar trade secret ? Wow, I'm amazed. Bullshit.

When will they become more mature ? Oh sorry, I think I need to hit myself in the head because I used to think they're mature. Not a chance. For 4 year, I've been tolerating nonsense like this, most of the time giving in to them because they're my good friends. Wow, I manage to put good instead of "good". Okay, how about good friends who don't celebrate your birthday since the day you met them ? Hmm, maybe. Sorry, I don't want to justify. I'll leave this to outsider, or whoever people who are still watching my blog.

I don't think I have a bad attitude. I also don't think I'm a jerk, IN ANYTHING. By that I meant everything. I don't fuck around with some girl, like some "people". And in the end, even if XZ seperate, its you guys own doing. I've always, always trying to meet everyone of you to catch up even when my schedule is crazily booked or really messed. What more do you want ?

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Numbness' coming back. Maybe I'm going hospital soon.

Rest.

Yesterday got home and the sensation spread to all my 10 finger..

Apparently, it was because I didn't get enough sleep and my bone marrow didn't produce enough blood. So in short, I was short of blood. HAHAHA ! Its quite funny to me actually.. But before I know the diagnosis, I was pretty scare. I even wrote down my last wish on my laptop. But I deleted it anyway xD

Alright I was just thinking if I were to faint halfway and go hospital cause I need blood, I figure out that it wouldn't be of trouble. Cause I also realize my blood is universal and I can accept any blood type in humankind. LOL.z

Of course, my last wish that I wrote was a passionate kiss with "her". Follow by playing my favourite song to audience ranging from 10 to 1000 and bid the XiZi people farewell before I go off to nirvana. HAHA ! Kind of funny actually.

Anyhow, just woke up and felt better. Slept for like 14 hour straight anyway. I think I'm going JAPrintz to visit Leon and see what they doing later. I'm gonna be boreddddddd.

Through the copper wire.

Woke up this morning at 11.30am. Yes I'm late for work.

Apparently, I was late for work and Andre didn't say anything. Shocked. But more importantly, this morning I woke up with something VERY weird. And possibility, I might need to go for operation perhaps.

Before going out, I had a electric shock sensation when I touched my house keys.. It was weird but I thought it was nothing. It became so obvious when I reached woodlands point. Supposed it was nothing when you touch the escalator side strip right ? The rubber rubber thing. BUT I HAD A BIG SHOCKED. I almost jumped ! Its crazy.

When I reached the shop I tried to turn on the computer by moving the mouse. I got even a bigger shock. If I'm not wrong, these shock became worse when there is electricity ? my god. I think its a pinched nerve, neurological problem or.. I'm having heart disease. If not then its.. Fuck. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome ? And its only on my ring finger that have this sensation. I don't know man. half of my brain tells me its no big deal and no need to go for the doctor. But.. -_-" I think I'm gonna see how it goes.

But yes, it is true that it got worse when there is electricity, because I realize that our nerve runs on electricity ironically. But omg, I felt as though I could get a stroke or what any minute. I hope I get to see a doctor asap. Andre faster xfer me my pay la !

dark circle.

Been so lethargic. Jeez.

Yesterday reached Japrintz at 10.30am.. Work all the way till 5.30pm then Joseph and Orgim came. We went to somerset together cause I had my exam at 7pm. Didn't sleep for the night straight.. But somehow it was a miracle how I could put together my energy, study the last minutes and then went for the exam. It was also a miracle how the exam was such a breeze compared to the last exam I took. But again, 33 hour without sleep. Dead last night.

One funny thing when I take exam every time is I realize people always tend to breath more heavily during the exam. Like, you can hear them exhale so loudly. HAHA ! No, I'm not one of them.

Anyhow, reached home at 1.30am and then around 2.30am I fall asleep already.. But somehow its like I just slept for 1 minute and Its already 9.30am and I have to go for work. SIAN. Now back at JAPrintz and haiz. Don't know what to do. I can't wait for FMA Brotherhood ep 62 and Fairy Tail ep 34 to come out ! HAHA. But I think I'm gonna watch We Got Married of Ga-in and Jokwon. XD

Genie for you girl ~

Aiyaaaa, I don't know what to put for title lol. Just a random line from Genie by SNSD LOL

Today totally waste my day by playing white knight chronicle. But its so interesting ! Cisna and Leonard look totally like a perfect couple. But anyway, I manage to finish 50% of my assignment which will actually take 1 hour if I put my mind to it. HAHA. Plain lazy.

Around 9.30pm went to find Elson to take JAPrintz shop key. my god, tomorrow going to open shop. I hope Andre don't ask me do anything demanding or else I don't know how I'm going to revise for the HR Exam tomorrow. Should be easy to score an A. hehe.

Went to Yi Min house and they were all day. Then I keep teasing Meina LOL. But anyway, there is always something that is unique and easy to recognize when you see her. She always over-react. But thats kind of cute anyway. But somehow ah.. HAHA. Never mind.

Seems like everyone's having flu. Including me but I recovered already. YAY ! Its kind of getting cold nowadays.. Its a good thing I guess.. Whereas Singapore got 3 season which is summer, summer-er and summer-est. LOL

Alright ! I'm getting $500 for the executive job. Hope andre faster transfer me then I can finally go eat breeks which I'm craving for it. Okay, Its time to finish up all the assignment and mod Leon's PSP before he starting killing me because I kept promising him.. LOL

Very cold.

Brrrr.. Very cold.

Yesterday woke up around 5pm because went to ton at sembawang park with Xiaopang, Joseph and Elson. Went fishing with XP from 3am till 6am, not a single fish. wtf.

After going for class at 7pm, I didn't sleep all the way till now. Thats 21hour of non-sleep. I'm so tired ! OH my god, its so cold today la. It's 24 degree C outside and whats more i'm inside office. This must be around 19 or 20c.. Jeez. And I'm so sleeeeeeepy. Just now Mr. Ong treated me to lunch ! So good. Just nice when I am almost broke.. But arhg, I'm so tired.

Just now a customer walked in and called me "Miss". Fuck. When I raised my head, he was shocked. He was totally shocked. I know my hair is long la but.. LOL. Aiya, I'm a pretty boy thats why. :D

I'm so addicted to Brown Eyed Girls' Abracadabra ! And most of all, Ga-In the main vocalist ! My god, she's so hot. Its one of those celebrity that don't need to use so much effort and the sex appeal is high high high one la ! Unlike cindy wang or whatever celeb that oh well, tries too hard. I admire her leg, its amazing. But anyway, besides the appeals, the choreography of the MV for Abracadabra is very good. I totally can danced to it la !

Okay, I hope Leon faster come cause I want to take a nap. zzz

Lazed my Day out

Pretty lazed my day off today.. Didn't too anything productive also haha

Woke up at 3.30pm with a sleepy head and droopy eyes. The only thing I looked forward to after waking up is eating the curry my mom cooked after not eating for the past 18 hours. After that, time to surf net and play CS

I literally played CS till like 6pm ? Because I'm craving for L4D but apparently i'm too poor to afford a system that are even able to play L4D on the lowest setting. Next thing I know was I switch off my comp and play PS3. Haha ! I'm so addicted to White Knight Chronicles ! The princess and the lead character look so amazing. Well, that is something to always expect when playing JRPG.

Not JPG/JPEG. Its Japanese Role Playing Game. HAHA !

Yup. I did something unbeliveable. I read a e-novel from 12am till 4am non-stop and just now, I was trying to somehow enable Aero on my Windows 7 Starter edition which is pathetic and not any better than the imitation Windows 7 on XP's 6 year old desktop.

Going to sleep now. School's tomorrow. Kind of a turn off and monday blues. -_-"

Gig !

One hell of a day today.

Woke up at 12pm. Late for lecture and reached at 2.20pm.. LOL. Anyhow, exam questions are finally coming out.. But I guess they are all pretty easy for me. I'm so going to pass this module with A. Othman so good ! Treated me to starbuck during break xD

After class went to AMK hub to walk around and kill time before meeting alphonse and the band for jamming. Well, there was something quite funny that happen. I was waiting for my bus at the interchange and then 3 girls were talking about I looked like a prince. I swear because I look through the corner of my eye and saw them pointing my direction, yes, I also checked my surrounding and very sure there is no one that look more like a prince than me. HAHAHA ! I'm serious ! Unless they're blind.

At last, the standard of Sexcited is picking up. Yes ! Sexcited is the new band name after The Last Outcast was abandoned. HAHA ! But I really like the name Orgasm Decipher but its too long. I really hope we can go for the gig that is organised by dotbox media but I hope that company is not a scam. Cause some stuff just a bit funny to me. Finally, a gig. I've waited so long.

Reached home around 11.30pm. Was playing CS:Zombie Version around 12.30am then Joseph call me to go slack. I thought they wanted to ton sia ! Yes, we did not ton. If not I won't be blogging down here now. I think I'll either be stoning or I'm like on the highs haha !

I realized I seem to show a lot of concern for Yi Min nowadays. I think I need to back off. And yes, smoke break before sleep :D

Wordless & Collapse.

I don't even know where to start.

This afternoon arrived at JAPrintz and the moment Andre came in was to lecture me. I really just feel like quitting the job. No appraisal is okay, but not even motivating me to work ? wtf. He thought that giving me a $800 is a motivation. Malaysia company means Malaysia. He really thought he is hiring a Malaysian too. Anyhow, I'm so going to go out and find a job. I meant, a MARKET RATE PAID job. fuck japrintz. underpaid and overworked.

Run almost half of Yishun today and not even a sales. I don't mind. I'm just so used to not getting any sales. But even though, this is natural. Came home and fix my mom phone which cannot call out and receive calls. Turns out the outstanding bill was $422 which is just ridiculous.

I just don't know. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my family. Actually, should I even call it family ? I don't know. I really don't know how the fuck my mom actually call till $422, oh sorry. Well, its simple. I came to a conclusion. My dad actually take my mom's phone at night and use it. I really don't know how much must my dad continues to pull the whole family down with him. Seriously. If I had a choice right now, I rather be fucking filthy rich or I'll be down right fucking poor. Its just stupid to be stuck in the middle where I have to worry about this and that. Its like having high power but not enough capability to support it. Too chim ? figured it out yourself. (If you think its just an assumption made by myself, forget it. Cause I witness it.)

Somewhere somehow, I had suicidal thoughts. Don't understand why I'm even studying and working so hard at my age. Just so that I can get a good job next time ? Not even one of my friend I know work as hard as me. I'm already acting like an adult in their twenties. Just how long must I suffer and work till I can get my break ?

Probably I can forget it. Most likely I'm just born to be suay and worked so fucking hard and yes, not even really enjoying life. I think I can go round beating people now if they complain that the air-con in their house is not cold enough, they have not enough money but getting $10 a day and studying is too hard for them.

What the bible said is true. Whatever sins of the parent did, shall be taken by the next generation. And this verse, can only be understand by people who've gone through it or people who are deeply familiarized with the bible. Anti-christian and hypocrite, please, go away. And oh, one thing that I openly declared which I hated the most are bastards who go round criticizing this and that about Christianity and the bible and they don't even know 1 good thing about Christianity itself. Yes, one of those few people is one of my close friend. But whatever it is, the whole of my life is screwed. Including trying to play music and my lovelife.

Main point of the day, I think I'm going to be more ruthless.

Prisoner of my own world

Crazy day today. But soon I realize I have too much thing going on.

Woke up around 3pm and XP called me to go cycle. But before that, Junwei, who is a position above my direct boss aka the Managing Director called me personally from Malaysia. And he sound as though he want to fire me. But no, I'm not fired yet.

Anyhow, he want me to cut down my focus on my sales and more on hunting agents in Singapore. Well, that's a big task. But anyway, later going down to Yishun with Elson and yup, he is finally giving me the true confidential agent price list. Let me emphasis again if you guys did not read correctly in my previous blog, I'm a sales executive.

Oh well, actually I didn't really cycled much with XP but I actually played bmx. Oh well, how long is it being since I go full out playing stunt ? LOL. But I totally loved it though it is really energy demanding. But soon to followed, I realize I've lost 30% of my stamina since the last time I played stunt mainly due to inactiveness and maybe abit of smoking too much. LOL

We met a guy called Jackie who is 10 year old ! Apparently we played high-speed catching. Such an adrenaline rush since so long ago. That including high speed fly off from 5 steps staircase without any brake installed on my bmx. (I meant yang's bmx.)

Anyhow, I think I should fix up my own bmx front rim asap. Kind of miss playing stunts actually. And I really really want to play a gig, just once is enough. And my perfect dream is to score a chick after a gig and next day, hangover. HAHAHA ! But oh well, I figured out that I'm just a guitarist in a band of many bands and just dreaming of getting it big like Rolling Stones or whatever successful bands you guys know of.

Gonna be 5am. Time to sleep and stop night-dreaming. I think I'm going to write a song about Pinky soon. Very soon.

Does acting brave count as being brave ?

One hell of a tiring day today, totally.

Met elson 2pm at admiralty.. First stop we went to ACE the place.. Oh well, it is definitely one of the place where I had a more appropriate and business opportunity response.. Also went to Christ Church, Innova JC, SSS, Woodlands CC, Republic Poly and Evergreen Sec. Kind of like chiong everything in 1 go.

Jeez, Andre is so demanding. But I heard something even more ridiculous, that is this guy who is even more sissy than I am (cold hard truth. His falsetto is even higher than I am. Which means, he is very high-pitched and those hand. ARGH, he is just pure sissy can ?). He told andre "normally when I have no appointment, I can run around 30-50 company per day". I was laughing, literally. I just don't know how illustrate it. You have to be there to know how ridiculous it is ! Anyway, just a $800 basic salary plus the title of an executive, how hard he expect me to work. -_-"

Met XP and Yi Min then we went for pool plus account to Andre the sales report today. On bus back to admiralty we kept teasing Yi Min about her and "..." development. HAHA ! It was so so so fun ! But anyhow, at least she had someone to love and care for.

Ironically, the person whom I love most seems to be the person who hated me most in this world. I feel as though I keep wearing a mask telling others I'm strong, I won't cry and such stuff.. In fact, its just that I'm too hurt to cry. I think I just can't bothered to correct things up anymore. Its so tiring.

Feeling so dejected. Having friends, they're supposed to be there to support your dream. But I've come to realised and accepted the fact that my closest friend(s) are not even supportive of my dream. Its not a big dream after all, whats wrong with being able to stand up on a stage and play a guitar ?

Will my dream turn into reality ?

This week is crazy, totally.

I managed to finally finished up my economic and human resource assignment.. right before the deadline.. its crazy ! Next week is going to be my self declare holiday ! YAY ! Just 1 week free from assignment only.. siann.. I wonder how I'm going to pay off my 2nd installment.. Jeez. I hope andre better not hold my pay. I'm so gonna threaten him.

I kept thinking about the charity concert al told me. I wonder if I actually will get the chance to even perform.. I've been dreaming for like, 2 year ? Its quite maddening. Seen people who get the chance to gig even when they're like not that skilled and stuff.. I'm even more pissed with Ken. Ask people to commit to the band yet he's the one not committing at all, wtf.

Anyhow, I got my helix pierced. For people who don't know where is helix, its the upper cartilage of the ear. The peak folding of the upper ear. But anyway, its not that pain as compare to ear lobe (surprisingly !). Maybe its just me but anyway, I think I want to cut my side short.

Later going to run sales with Elson. I seriously hope I can get some sales.. Just 1 or 2 is enough. Seriously, what's with those executive and manager ? Always went to the place and then no right personnel is there to talk to. fuck it. I just find sales distasteful anyway.

I can't wait for chalet. I'm only excited about the drinking part only anyway.. But I think I wanna try drinking with no mixed and plastic cup so that I can drop-dead drunk. Totally. But I hope we're gonna drink on the day where its after the concert. Hmm..

Need to sleep ! almost 6 now !

Sentosa !!

Today went sentosa with them. It was soooooo fun ! Alright, I had a very bad cramp on my left calf that literally I had no strength to even stand up.

Met them 1.30 at admiralty and then went over to serangoon to meet Eunice, Sylvia, Ivy and Niet (No, I do not know them but after today I know them). Oh yes, so that is the Sylvia they were talking about.. Hahaha !

It was so awkward because they're like so close to them but oh well.. I just somehow don't feel like socializing or what.. Hmm. I'm just so affected by "her".

It is so hard to blog about it, because there is no picture ! We played water polo and then I got buried halfway through. Yes I was. In fact, I even got "raped" by XP because he tried to push his finger through the sand and he keep playing with my nipple. THAT IS GAY ALRIGHT ?! LOL.

Well, the most common action people do is after they get up from being buried, they jump right into the sea. Jump right in I do. But then mid air while I jumped, my calf CRAMP. mind you, its a big cramp.. I totally could not stand up for the next half an hour ! My god..

They played some sort of game with forfeits that include running to a point and come back, only in boxer. My god, I would join if I was wearing boxer and my leg ain't cramp. But oh well. LOL.

Came back home around 12.30am. And yes, I haven't shower yet because I've been busy trying to unload my stress.. Got to continue on my assignment already.

Wishing I was smaller

So stress. Projects, assignment, work, band commitment.

Today woke up by Yang's call asking me to go hougang then go down bishan to meet them.. But oh well, I don't have my concession ez-link anymore.. so I rejected. I almost forgot there is executive meeting today. I think if I forget, Andre confirm kill me.

Went down to central around 3pm and saw baoshuang.. Oh well, finally I found someone who is willing to study with me ! But there is such a difference between our level.. Hmm.. Only manage to finish up till the introductory and content level before I went for the meeting.

Andre apparently wants to do drastic measure if I still don't get sales. How to get sales when people one by one keep playing me out ? Sian. I swear I'm not getting into the sales line anymore.. Never liked it and will never. Unless God bless that I got a huge order before june end. I'm so going to give 10% tithing if that really happen !

Went to counter strike with them.. My god ! Its been so long since I play.. Lost so much of my skills.. But oh well, I do prefer playing l4D or wolfteam actually.. Actually, I kind of miss last time when I had so much time at home and I don't know what to do but just game here and there.. Especially the nights when I chiong maple with Elson and SJ. Damn.

Yes ah, tomorrow going sentosa. I think I should sleep now. I hope I can get a tan !

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I tried to let go. But I found out recently I never were. I wasn't trying to let go but I'm just trying to mask my feeling up thats all. Hearing your name whenever someone mention is just like a double edge sword to me. Hearing how you mention about you missing someone and you liked someone, I kept wondering if its me. But good thing, I knew I was just being delusional.

I hope you still remember the moment at 280210 12.32am.

Laziness, my worst enemy.

I found myself drifting delusional recently, again.

Today went down to JAPrintz to slack (Yes, I slack at my workplace). But anyway, helped leon mod his phone. From LG Viewty into iPhone ! HAHA ! Cool eh ?

Went to class. I'm starting to know more and more people ! Class today was really rush. But thank god human resource ain't such a hard module to learn. Concurrently, Basic Economics. Which means.. MATHEMATICS ! My god. But its only basic. Will I be able to survive the future modules ? It is always motivating whenever I came out from Wilkie Edge and I saw "Against big odds ? God can help you" even though I'm not really much of a Christian now compared to last time..

I kept thinking and imagining how I will be able to make up with Pinky. But I don't think I want to state it out here. But I think I need to wake up and drop the idea, because it is literally impossible I guess.

Need to focus on my assignment ! No more slacking !