Saturday, January 24, 2015

Depression

With a certain degree of truth and accuracy, I think I am officially clinically depressed. War of argument and logical explanation rages in my head. Joining LG seems to totally sap me of my joy. I can't remember when was the last time I truly cannot be bothered on a Saturday and it seems that today is the day.

Didn't even managed to make it through 30 minute after dinner, I just walked out on the dinner. I just hate to see how nonchalant Jeremy is and how Aaron seems to be oblivious to everything. Everyone seems to be real happy. I feel like a lunatic.

I have lost my ability to be happy for people. Maybe subconsciously, I am actually annoyed that people are joyful and I can't be. Right now, I really wish that I could lose my memories. I can't believe how memories can be so sweet yet bitter at the same time, yet it is. It is the case for me. I can't think back to good memories without being depressed and sad about what's happened. It seems like my whole entire life is a story of tragic ending.

Maybe the inevitable is coming. Perhaps I have to come to admit that it is unavoidable that in order to walk away, learn to let go and forgive is to really walk away from everyone whom I ever loved because looking at them are the source of misery for me. Or maybe the source of misery is myself, probably is. But I guess baby steps.


No comments: