Saturday, March 07, 2015

Thought Menagerie

Reading further into the book "Changes That Heal", the word "Savior Complex" suddenly comes into my mind. As I read more and understands more, I want to acknowledge that there is a hidden side to this whole church political situation.

At this very moment of writing, I'm not exactly convinced that there is a good side to whatever happened but after much talking to Shawn, if I really want healing and changes to happen for the better, I must acknowledge certain point.

That God is ever good and plans to prosper us and for every bad thing that happens, God has a finger in it and there is something to learn and mature from.

Perhaps it is being taken down that the performance veil is remove from me so that I can see and deal with what lurks underneath. I am desperately attracted to depressed and helpless people because subconsciously I see myself as somewhat of  Savior. What a ugly ego, perhaps. It is intriguing to think what happens when I am no longer filled from God yet still continues to pour into people's life.

I am exactly what the book has described as, excessive caregiver. I think what is powerful is when the next chapter talks about responsibility and boundaries. That what my thoughts and pains are happening, are my responsibility and the same goes for other people. Should I ever cross to care about other's problem, it is still their responsibility and I should not expect reciprocation.

What really struck me is how powerful that puts me to be and how powerless it sets me to be as well. Powerful because we can affect how others feel when they are in a mess, however should we ever step out of their life, we become powerless because we feel responsible for their life and if it goes wrong, we feel like crap. Yet the truth is that we are not responsible, not for other's decision and happiness.

This is not an encouragement of selfishness but setting the boundaries to where our feelings and emotions ends and where others begins.

I supposed with great power comes great responsibility.

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