When ?

Really. When are things going to change ?

Every single time, when I think of how fortunate my friends are, I just wanna cry. Why am I not just another one of them ?

I see how my friend created their ATM Card with over $100 for them to press it out but I started out with $2 and I freaking only had a daily allowence of $4.

I see how my friend gets laptops and stuff like that and I'm stuck with this fucking 1.67 ghz AMD athlon processor. And yes, I am fucking stuck with a handphone which I exchange for my beautiful W760 that brokedown. Fuck.

I see how my electricity at home is so unpredictable and how my friends live in comfort.

I see how my friends always have no problem and no worries in dialing no. with their handphone yet I have to use my phone carefully.

I can go on saying.

I see how my friends have over $10 (thats very lil for going to town) going on town yet sometimes I go town with $2.

I see how I'm always the one borrowing and my friends the one always lending.

I see how my friends gets/buy a bicycle so easily yet I have to PICK UP A BODY FRAME.

I am so fucking poor that I only have my ear clear by KK hospital which appointment is 1 month plus from the day my ear stucked and my friends gets it clear out immediatly.

And yes, I can freaking go on.

I freaking see how my friend gets a guitar so expensive that its twice of mine guitar and his skills is no better than mine. (Yes I am proud, so what ?)

I always see how my friends go out with fancy clothes yet I have to save and get clothes that are at low price and make the best out of them and look good.

I can go on and on and on. Tons of 'em.

Yes, I am pathetic. I Don't need you to say anything. But also, I don't need you to fucking sympatise me.

I sit in one corner wondering, when is God (which god ?) going to get off his majestic seat and help me and my family out ? I live my life in fears and jealousy.

I see how my friends parent are so loving but my parent is just totally fuck up relationship.

I see how my friends daddy are so good yet I can't speak much good of my daddy. (Even thou the bible ask us to speak good of our parent, but seriously.)

Its always about you guys. ALWAYS. Will you guys problem be as big as mine ? When will you people ever care a fucking hoot bout me ?

I see how my friends go into relationship, being financially able to pay for their girls. I have already created a line "Will you be with me, a guy who couldn't pay for your lunch or even just a drink?".

No really, I have a tons.

Maybe I should just stop. I'll just accept how fuck up my life is and thats it. I'll just accept that I have a failure dad and thats all. I'll just accept that I'm the lower section of the society and cliques.